yeah… I can’t bear to say goodbye to 2008…
I think I’m just slowly beginning to accept the fact (instead of remaining in denial) that 2009 has come. And is here to stay. I’m in denial for too many reasons, or rather for the one main reason – 2008 has been the best year of my life to-date. It has been so good I actually don’t mind passing on now coz’ I do feel I’ve lived my life to the fullest without regrests ;o (this’s of course, not a very biblical thought, but it IS what I feel, and I’m proud of how I’ve lived my 2008.)
I do feel like how Paul felt in 2 Tim 4:6-8 “For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
To be able to finally push myself to sit down and start writing/ typing down my reflections of 2008 is a good start to moving on. Not that I haven’t been constantly reflecting though. There are just too much to write about 2008 that it makes it difficult to start at all – I don’t know how to structure it (if you know what I mean).
The best year of my life to-date. Because it has been a year of ocean-deep lows and mountain highs. I know whatever I write now can’t do justice to everything I’ve been through, but I’ll try to summarise in my usual succint points, to spare my readers from skipping to the last sentence. (HA!)
Ocean-deep lows (aka struggles):
1. Giving of myself to the youth-at-risk at my work – really took a lot out of me esp. emotionally. I was thinking about the kids when I rose & when I slept. So heart-broken for & burdened for them. The experience just convicted me once again that Jesus is the only solution to any and all the problems of this world. Without His love, no true healing can take place in each of us and our relationships. Without the maker and creator of love in our lives, we will use our whole life looking for love and fulfillment every where else but to no avail.
2. Going through the most intense of spiritual warfare I’ve ever experienced – couldn’t sleep well, in fear most days. I saw evil spirits in my dreams. But deep inside I knew that warfare always comes before great spiritual breakthroughs.
3. Using any free time to finish my masters thesis – no time for rest at all. I didn’t even know I was burnt out till one day I couldn’t focus on what I was doing, migraine so bad I felt like vomiting and couldn’t walk straight. Most days (till I finished in August) I had migraine throughout and didn’t have appetite.
4. Making a career decision according to God’s will – dying to what I think was best for my career to what is best in God’s eyes.
These were the key struggles that literally took the life out of me. BUT. BUT. BUT. I have NO doubt, that it is precisely because of these struggles, that made the victories over them sweeter & the journey worthwhile. The struggles made me depend & cling onto the words & promises of my lord & saviour, my refuge, strength, tower, deliverer, my hope, my best friend, my soul mate – Jesus.
“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor 12:10. I experienced it. When I was weak, I was strong because I couldn’t do anything but rely on His power.
Mountain highs (aka thanksgiving – too many too many!!!)
1. Having a dream wedding – because my dad came to church to witness and because God’s presence was so strong I could just see Him standing with us and smiling on us.
2. Having a most educational and adventurous honeymoon (the bible came alive hehe)
3. A holiday-like missions trip to thailand – when God revealed that JEDI would reach 80 and I could only claim it by pure faith
4. Completing my Masters thesis – i remember the few minutes after printing my thesis for submission, I sat in front of my PC & tears rolled down in gratitude to God for sustaining me through the past 2 years.
5. Collecting my marked thesis 2 months later – I was again grateful to tears that I didn’t need to redo any portion and more than that, received very good comments from the lecturer!
6. Being used by God to prophesy to the church to a greater extent and even spoke in a different tongue at a prayer meet – I’m humbled how God has given me this gifting though I didn’t really pray for it – I’ve learnt to step out in faith to listen to His spirit much more
7. Relying on God to take care of JEDI that has grown so much (we really hit 80 during xmas, only by God’s grace!) – it is beyond human ability, strength, mind...
8. A spiritual breakthrough trip to Australia where God refreshed me inside out and revealed that the warfare would stop and from there the spiritual abundance would come like a flood.
There, the mountain highs, without God would have been impossible.
I’ve grown so much closer to Him in 2008 because there was no other way I could have survived it.
And just like John Ortberg says – to walk on water, you’ve got to step out of the boat.
I’ve learnt that miracles are miracles because on our own we could not have made it happen. Miracles can only happen when things are beyond man’s control. Without the troughs, without the need to depend on God, we would only depend on ourselves – and not learn what faith is.
2008 – I’m totally convicted of God’s faithfulness – “heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away” Mark 10:31 – His promises stands. God keeps His words. God is sovereign. AND God Loves me :)
2009 – No matter how much I think and ponder and pray, I come to the same conclusion – it will be a year of relying even more on God, to walk out of the boat onto the water for a few more steps than 2008. There lies ahead more unknown and untried territory (compared to 2008) – whether it’s at work, ministry or even marriage – this means I can’t rely on old methods & strategies but have to spend time praying for God to give me the wisdom, strategies & resources I’ll need. God has also revealed His rhema words for the unit – 2009 will be a year of refining & molding. Which means trials & challenges ahead for the people too.
I am praying. Praying for God’s blessing & guidance upon my life & the Jedi family members. Despite the challenging times ahead, may we approach 2009 with confidence & joy. May His joy be our strength – because I KNOW at the end of 2009, we will give thanks for Him molding our lives to be stronger & more Christ-like! ;o
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Heb 4: 15-16
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Neh 8:10
listenin: Hosea’s wife – brooke fraser
feelin: treading forward in fear & trembling
have been finding the recent news interesting to follow:
1. Barack Obama and his strategies - trying to learn from his leadership strategies esp. - slowly am being won over by him, but i still have my reservations - waiting to see the results first!
2. Thai political situation - because many of the thai bros & sisters are personal friends
3. War of Israel against Hamas in Gaza - good to ponder over what God would think of it
4. Various economical situations around the world
“But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.” Mal 3:2-3
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Provb 4:23
“All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.” Provb 21:2
listenin: fang da tong
feelin: burdened
So glad me & some of my best friends (the gals ;p) from church were able to catch up before the new year! It was a really very very funny dinner with all kinds of lame jokes yet with heartfelt conversations to know how one another is doing too. As you can see, we had steamboat and ate soooo much!
The following photos are shots from the JEDI new year's eve gathering. We had food, games, sharing, and some stayed overnight. Was so touched when everyone shared their breakthroughs and thanksgiving for 2008. Many if not all thanked God for His love and faithfulness in providence & protection! GOD IS GOOD!
New Year's Day itself, CN & me had lunch with CN's 2nd bro at a really cool cafe they brought us to, that oversees a riding club!
Over the weekend we caught up with our JC friends and teacher too.
Thinking back, i've had so many parties & reunions with old friends & family the last month - almost 3 per week!!! Time to get serious and all geared up for the work ahead in 2009.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
May God lead, strengthen, protect & draw you closer to Him this year!
listenin: BBC
feelin: anticipating another year of knowing God more through challenging times
